By Mallory Smart
(You were alive. Now you’re not. Make peace with it or don’t. It won’t change anything.)
NAVIGATING THE AFTERLIFE
You exist, but only as an inconvenience. Being a ghost isn’t hard. You just have to stop pretending you matter.
You are neither here nor there. You will get used to it, but not in a way that feels good.
DEALING WITH THE LIVING
They refuse to acknowledge you. Not because they don’t believe in ghosts but because they believe in themselves too much. They are the center of their own story. You are background noise.
It’s not that different from being ignored when you were alive, except now it’s not personal.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR NEW FORM
If you weren’t weird before, you are now. Accept it and move on. Or don’t. Either way, you’re stuck with it.
You always felt a little disconnected from reality. Now it is just official.
AVOIDING BUREAUCRATIC NIGHTMARES
Nobody tells you that the afterlife has paperwork. Probably because if they did, no one would die voluntarily.
Bureaucracy doesn’t die with you. It just gets less comprehensible and more passive-aggressive.
HANDLING HAUNTINGS
You are a problem now. Embrace it. It’s not like you have anywhere else to be.
You wanted to leave a lasting impression. You got your wish.
FINAL NOTES
There is no next step. No light. No revelation.
You will wander. You will watch. You will wait.
Eventually, you’ll stop expecting something to happen. That is when you realize the afterlife isn’t a punishment. It is just more of the same…
Mallory Smart is a neurotic Chicago-based writer and editor-in-chief of Maudlin House. She hosts the literary/music podcast Textual Healing and the horror podcast That Horrorcast. Her new book, I Keep My Visions to Myself, is available now through With an X Books.